I will be the first to tell you that I cannot cook to save my life.  Yes, really.  If a life or death situation came up and my only means of survival was to make spaghetti and tomato sauce, I hope ya’ll throw me a lovely funeral and play Q-feels’s “Dancing in Heaven” at my ceremony.  

Having said all that, I can confidently tell you that I would still make it to the semi-finals of Top Chef.  Why?  Because the formula of making it to another round once you’re in the bottom three is simple:

BE HUMBLE AND ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG.

That’s it.  

“Tom, Padma, Crankyface I know why I’m here.  You’re right.  I will use this critique moving forward.  I’m better than this.  I knew my dish would land me in the bottom 3.  I know I deserve to be in the bottom 3, but I deserve to be on this show.”

It doesn’t matter if you think your dish was the greatest thing you have ever tasted in your entire life.  Just take a breath and say, “You’re right.”

Cause if it’s between you and someone with an even worse and equally inedible dish and they admit their wrongdoings the argument Tom always makes is: But at least they KNEW they were doing something wrong.

Admit defeat.  Apologize.  Keep your knives and stay.  

Oh, and lay off the ceviche.